By Mian Abuzar Shad,
President LCCI
Once upon a time in 16th century Europe, even Heaven was up for sale. It was a period when church priests called the shots—they had a say in everything, including your sins. Committed a crime? No worries. Just cough up some coins and get your hands on a VIP ticket to paradise. Some priests were so ahead of the game, they’d even pre-book your spot in Heaven like a hotel room. Kings couldn’t rule without their blessings, and the common folk? They were just expected to fall in line.
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Back then, a priest in Germany put out an announcement that anyone who wanted to cleanse their sins could swing by the church, drop a donation, and bag a five-star entry pass to Heaven. Whether someone had looted an entire village or sneakily gulped down someone else’s milk, they could still lock in their seat in the afterlife.
In the middle of all this, a witty man strolled into the church and said to the priest, “I want to buy Hell. What’s your price?” The priest looked puzzled at first, then burst out laughing and said, “Son, people are queuing up for Heaven. Why on earth would you want Hell?” But the man stood his ground. “No, I mean it. I want to own Hell. Name your price.” The priest, sensing an opportunity to make a quick buck, grinned and said, “Alright, give me three coins and Hell is all yours.”
The man didn’t blink—he handed over the money and said, “Now write it down. I want it in black and white that Hell belongs to me.” The priest scribbled a note, stamped it with the church seal, and handed it over: “This certifies that this man is the sole owner of Hell.”
Grinning from ear to ear, the man marched straight to the town square, rounded up the people, and once a crowd had gathered, he shouted, “Listen up! I’ve bought Hell! It’s mine now, and I’m not letting anyone in. So there’s no point in buying Heaven tickets anymore—Hell’s doors are officially closed.” People were stunned. For a moment, everyone stood there trying to make sense of it. And then it hit them—if no one’s going to Hell, why bother buying a ticket to Heaven?
The news spread like wildfire. Suddenly, the business of selling salvation went downhill. The priests, once cashing in on fear, found their golden goose cooked. All thanks to one bold man—Martin Luther.
Although it sounds like a joke, this actually ties into a real historical event. Martin Luther was the first person to stand up to the Church’s exploitative hustle. In 1517, he wrote down 95 Theses, boldly calling out the shady practice of selling Heaven passes. He claimed that forgiveness could only come from God—not through man-made receipts. The Church bigwigs were furious. They issued a fatwa on him, even offering a ticket to Heaven for anyone who took him out. But Luther didn’t back down. His ideas caught on like wildfire and sparked a movement that birthed a new branch of Christianity: the Protestants—meaning those who protest.
Today, Protestants number somewhere between 800 million and 1 billion across the globe. One thing’s crystal clear—Martin Luther’s sharp thinking exposed a deep-rooted scam, shook the foundation of the Church’s power, and rewrote the course of history. So next time someone tries to sell you a shortcut to paradise, remember the man who shut down Hell with three coins and changed the world forever.
